When I left engineering a few years ago, an opportunity popped up to serve on the board for my son’s school. The school was in the process of expanding their preK-6th grade program to include a 7th and 8th grade middle school program. The expansion included purchasing and renovating an old church into the middle school building. After touring several other Montessori middle and high schools, I was stoked to help with this expansion. With just a few months left in my three year term, the middle school is thriving as it preps to enter its third school year in the fall.
As a board, we each volunteer anywhere from 3-5 hours a month for board meetings, strategic planning sessions and various committees. Many of the board members also volunteer in the classrooms, help out out on field trips, man the morning carline, reshelve books in the library, and help with a lot of other volunteer tasks. A few months ago, we were surprised by an anonymous letter from a community member criticizing the board for “not doing enough”. The letter didn’t include any specific details. No examples, no clear concerns, no events we’d skipped, just a vague call for more.
In all honesty, my first reaction was annoyance. How do you address concerns when you don’t even know what they are? How do you improve when there’s nothing concrete to work with? How do you address a complaint telling you to do more when you’re already doing a lot?
But after a long run a few days later, I had another reaction. This letter, instead of making me want to do more, made me pause and take stock of everything I was already doing.
The Reality of My Commitments
At the time, my life looked something like this:
- Running two businesses: Pilates Native and The Essential Variable
- Teaching Pilates Instructor Training
- Co-hosting the Movers & Healers meetups
- Taking on contract work as a Welding Engineer
- Serving on the school board as the BOD secretary
- Leading the 4-H bee group with my husband and maintaining the 4-H beehive
- Attending a 15 week Intro to Farming class on Wednesdays after work
- Taking ballroom dance lessons twice a week
- Maintaining a 5-6 day workout routine that strength training, running, and Pilates
- And, most importantly, balancing my role as a family member, whether that’s as a wife, daughter, aunt, sister, or mom
A Lesson from My 20s: The Burnout Trap
In my early 20s, I was stuck in a massive injury cycle. Run, injury, rest, recover, run, injury. Over and over again. No matter how much I rested, iced, or did recovery work, I ended up limping or in pain. Dr. DeWalch, the Dr. I worked for at Spine & Sports Therapy, sat me down and gave me a gentle but firm talk on overcommitting myself and the importance of using my energy wisely to avoid burnout. It wasn’t the amount of running that was trapping me on the injury cycle, it was my tendency to get so excited about life that it led to overcommitting myself and burning out. That burnout showed up as endless injuries.
After work one day, we sat down together and he had me write down my entire weekly schedule, day by day, hour by hour. In a list next to that schedule, he had me write down everything I was committed to and was doing on a weekly or monthly basis. Once everything was down on paper, he asked me what was most important. What did I want to do be doing? What could I let go of? What caused more stress than value? What was hurting my body? Not nourishing my soul?
It took us a couple of hours to get through this curate and cull process, looking for ways to cut out the distractions and make room for the things that really mattered. I left that meeting knowing that I would keep running, but could quit bootcamp. Would keep painting but quit voice lessons. Would keep Tuesday trivia nights with friends, but skip Thursday happy hours. That Pilates was a non-negotiable part of my life.
Since then, I’ve done these “curate and cull” sessions every couple of years. I have used his advice to direct hobbies, friendships, home decor, clothing choices and so much more.
That anonymous letter to the BOD was a reminder that it was probably time to listen to Dr. D again and curate and cull my commitments.
Every so often, sit down, take stock of your commitments. Curate your life like you would a piece of art. Keep the essentials. Let go of the noise. Leave space for what matters.
Some commitments have natural end limits. The Intro to Farming class just ended. My board term is up in May, and I won’t be seeking reelection. None of the kids signed up for Bee Group this year.
Instead, I’ll be spending that time:
- Investing fully in Pilates Native and the Pilates instructor training program, rather than splitting my energy between too many projects
- Using what I learned in farm class to turn our yard into an urban farmscape
- Increasing my weekly running distances and keeping Strength Training and Pilates as important parts of my weekly routine
- Scheduling a weekly art time and picking up brushes, paints, pencils, markers and messy things again
- Writing more
- Prioritizing weekly dates with family and friends, because those relationships deserve my full presence
The Power of Saying No
I used to believe that success was about adding more. More commitments, more projects, more friends, more accomplishments, more ways to contribute.
But Dr. D taught me that saying no wasn’t about doing less. It was about doing what mattered most and what brought the most value. Another mentor once said that we should aim for “deep, not wide”, which dovetails well with D’s advice.
That anonymous letter didn’t inspire me to work harder or add more volunteer activities to my schedule. It inspired me to sit down and take stock of my schedule. To choose my activities more intentionally, to create more space for what matters and to let go of things that have served their purpose.
At the end of the day, it’s not always about quantity, it’s also about quality. And every single relationship in my life, whether its family, friends or clients, deserves a Rubecca that shows up fully. With energy, clear priorities and the ability to hold space.
As spring break ends and I’ve spent a week fully embracing the trend of endless tv and social media scrolling known as “bed rotting”, I’m looking forward to putting the phone down, turning the tv off and heading back into the studio with a renewed energy, clearer priorities and a stronger sense of purpose.
I can’t wait to see you there.
-Rubecca