Saying No to Say Yes

Posted on March 22, 2025 by pilatesnative

When I left engineering a few years ago, an opportunity popped up to serve on the board for my son’s school. The school was in the process of expanding their preK-6th grade program to include a 7th and 8th grade middle school program. The expansion included purchasing and renovating an old church into the middle school building. After touring several other Montessori middle and high schools, I was stoked to help with this expansion. With just a few months left in my three year term, the middle school is thriving as it preps to enter its third school year in the fall.

As a board, we each volunteer anywhere from 3-5 hours a month for board meetings, strategic planning sessions and various committees. Many of the board members also volunteer in the classrooms, help out out on field trips, man the morning carline, reshelve books in the library, and help with a lot of other volunteer tasks. A few months ago, we were surprised by an anonymous letter from a community member criticizing the board for “not doing enough”. The letter didn’t include any specific details. No examples, no clear concerns, no events we’d skipped, just a vague call for more.

In all honesty, my first reaction was annoyance. How do you address concerns when you don’t even know what they are? How do you improve when there’s nothing concrete to work with? How do you address a complaint telling you to do more when you’re already doing a lot?

But after a long run a few days later, I had another reaction. This letter, instead of making me want to do more, made me pause and take stock of everything I was already doing.

The Reality of My Commitments

At the time, my life looked something like this:

• Running two businesses: Pilates Native and The Essential Variable

• Teaching Pilates Instructor Training

• Co-hosting the Movers & Healers meetups

• Taking on contract work as a Welding Engineer

• Serving on the school board as the BOD secretary

• Leading the 4-H bee group with my husband and maintaining the 4-H beehive

• Attending a 15 week Intro to Farming class on Wednesdays after work

• Taking ballroom dance lessons twice a week

• Maintaining a 5-6 day workout routine that strength training, running, and Pilates

• And, most importantly, balancing my role as a family member, whether that’s as a wife, daughter, aunt, sister, or mom

A Lesson from My 20s: The Burnout Trap

In my early 20s, I was stuck in a massive injury cycle. Run, injury, rest, recover, run, injury. Over and over again. No matter how much I rested, iced, or did recovery work, I ended up limping or in pain. Dr. DeWalch, the Dr. I worked for at Spine & Sports Therapy, sat me down and gave me a gentle but firm talk on overcommitting myself and the importance of using my energy wisely to avoid burnout. It wasn’t the amount of running that was trapping me on the injury cycle, it was my tendency to get so excited about life that it led to overcommitting myself and burning out. That burnout showed up as endless injuries.

After work one day, we sat down together and he had me write down my entire weekly schedule, day by day, hour by hour. In a list next to that schedule, he had me write down everything I was committed to and was doing on a weekly or monthly basis. Once everything was down on paper, he asked me what was most important. What did I want to do be doing? What could I let go of? What caused more stress than value? What was hurting my body? Not nourishing my soul?

It took us a couple of hours to get through this curate and cull process, looking for ways to cut out the distractions and make room for the things that really mattered. I left that meeting knowing that I would keep running, but could quit bootcamp. Would keep painting but quit voice lessons. Would keep Tuesday trivia nights with friends, but skip Thursday happy hours. That Pilates was a non-negotiable part of my life.

Since then, I’ve done these “curate and cull” sessions every couple of years. I have used his advice to direct hobbies, friendships, home decor, clothing choices and so much more.

That anonymous letter to the BOD was a reminder that it was probably time to listen to Dr. D again and curate and cull my commitments.

Every so often, sit down, take stock of your commitments. Curate your life like you would a piece of art. Keep the essentials. Let go of the noise. Leave space for what matters.

Some commitments have natural end limits. The Intro to Farming class just ended. My board term is up in May, and I won’t be seeking reelection. None of the kids signed up for Bee Group this year.

Instead, I’ll be spending that time:

• Investing fully in Pilates Native and the Pilates instructor training program, rather than splitting my energy between too many projects

• Using what I learned in farm class to turn our yard into an urban farmscape

• Increasing my weekly running distances and keeping Strength Training and Pilates as important parts of my weekly routine

• Scheduling a weekly art time and picking up brushes, paints, pencils, markers and messy things again

• Writing more

• Prioritizing weekly dates with family and friends, because those relationships deserve my full presence

The Power of Saying No

I used to believe that success was about adding more. More commitments, more projects, more friends, more accomplishments, more ways to contribute.

But Dr. D taught me that saying no wasn’t about doing less. It was about doing what mattered most and what brought the most value. Another mentor once said that we should aim for “deep, not wide”, which dovetails well with D’s advice.

That anonymous letter didn’t inspire me to work harder or add more volunteer activities to my schedule. It inspired me to sit down and take stock of my schedule. To choose my activities more intentionally, to create more space for what matters and to let go of things that have served their purpose.

At the end of the day, it’s not always about quantity, it’s also about quality. And every single relationship in my life, whether its family, friends or clients, deserves a Rubecca that shows up fully. With energy, clear priorities and the ability to hold space.

As spring break ends and I’ve spent a week fully embracing the trend of endless tv and social media scrolling known as “bed rotting”, I’m looking forward to putting the phone down, turning the tv off and heading back into the studio with a renewed energy, clearer priorities and a stronger sense of purpose.

I can’t wait to see you there.

-Rubecca

What I Learned from a Year on Hard Mode

Posted on December 15, 2023 by pilatesnative

Leaving 2022, I was feeling fat, lost, alone, old and frumpy.  For the first time in almost twenty years, my identity wasn’t tied in some way to engineering.  I was at my heaviest non-pregnancy weight, managing food allergies felt like an endless losing game of whack-a-mole and the only peace was found at the studio.  When thinking about how to shake out of those ugly feelings, I decided that I was going to jump off the deep end and spend 2023 doing all of the things that I’m really bad at or afraid of.  While I anticipated doing a few challenging activities that shook off the funk, I did not anticipate the total shift of my world view.

From learning simple things like how to play chess and taking River fishing with just the two of us, to much heavier and challenging things like one-on-one Life Coaching, public speaking, dance performances, and attending a party alone, this year really ran the gauntlet.  Here’s a quick list of what I learned from an entire year spent intentionally on hard mode.

1) There are so many people to thank.  

The expectation of this challenge was that it would be a solo project.  The reality is that there were so so many people who were ready and willing to help and who happily contributed to this year and helped me reach, push and enjoy the year.  Thank you all so much!

2) Fear Patterns quickly emerged.

Pretty quickly, it became very apparent that I struggle with 3 main things.  Heights, water and people came up over and over again this year.  The more I immersed in these things, the easier they got.  While I still may not be ready for a ski lift, I did have a blast doing a high ropes course, practically lived on the paddle board this summer and I actually went to multiple parties solo this year.  (We won’t talk about the total foot in mouth moment I had when meeting a friend’s girlfriend for the first time.  hahaha)

3) A little vulnerability pays off big time.

Turns out vulnerability opens a lot of doors.  Every time I reached a plateau or hit a door, the key was vulnerability.  There were times when the last thing I wanted to do was be vulnerable or take that next step.  But, time after time, reaching out, being honest, and following up really really changed the way this year operated.

4) I didn’t die.

This sounds silly, but nervous systems aren’t always logical and mine loves to live in the BUT THAT’S A SCARY THING PANIC space.  By doing scary or hard things over and over again, my nervous system actually calmed down.  Surprisingly, the anxiety and panic attacks have almost completely tapered off.  Yes, leaving a stressful job situation probably helped with most of that, but facing scary things and surviving has built in an extra layer of resilience into my nervous system.  In clinical speak, these are corrective experiences.  And man oh man, did I have plenty of those this year.

5)  I’m a lot stronger than I think I am.

I am so very privileged to have a strong healthy body.  This realization hit hard anytime I was doing something and realized that while my mind and nervous system were losing their shit, my body had quietly taken over and was doing the thing with relative ease.  There’s nothing quite like realizing this when you’re 50 feet above ground and strapped into a ropes course harness.  We tend to take our bodies for granted and this year really highlighted how capable and strong my body actually is.  I am very grateful to Pilates and to my personal trainer for pushing me in a way that allowed this to be true.

6)  It’s totally ok to try and fail.

There were a few times this year where I set out to do a thing and then just totally bombed.  Or I set a goal and just missed it.  While it was disappointing, nothing bad happened and no one died.  “Failing up” is something I got real comfortable with this year.

And finally, the big one.  It’s ok to be bad at things.  (Yes, seriously.)

Prior to this year, my inner type-a perfectionist would have shuddered at the casualness of how I just typed this sentence.  Prior to this year, I would rather not do something than to do something badly and risk any possible embarrassment.  Here’s the thing.  That mentality kept me locked up in a very safe (and sometimes boring!) box.  Spending an entire year doing things I’m bad at gave me permission to be bad at a whole lot of things.  And with that permission came freedom.  Freedom to look stupid, freedom to ask a ton of questions, freedom to be silly and just in general a freedom to try things without any expectations at all.  

While this year has not been easy and there were times where it was incredibly frustrating and made me cry, it has been a ton of fun.  I’ve learned, grown, failed and embarrassed myself thoroughly lol.  10/10 would recommend.  10/10 would do again.

Thank you, my friends, for reading and for those of you that held space for the challenges of the year.  I am so grateful for all of you.

Have a great December.

-Rubecca

6 Things I’ve Learned from Taking Private Ballroom Dance Lessons

Posted on June 14, 2023 by pilatesnative

I’ve been dancing since I was four years old.  Starting with the traditional Mexican Ballet Folklorico and moving through jazz, hip-hop, modern, swing, belly dancing, and even African dance and Danza Azteca, I danced everything except Ballet and Tap.  I was on the dance team, the pep squad, the flag team and very briefly on a cheer team. 

In college, we spent Tuesdays at The Mercury Cafe, our $5 entry fee covering a Swing Dance group lesson and the night’s party.  Weekend club dancing and salsa lessons became standard.  In Houston, we’d take two-step lessons on Sundays.  The $10 entry fee bought us access to the nacho bar, a dance lesson and a night of dancing.  Friday nights and $5 got us a blues bar dance floor.  I attended every free or cheap dance lesson I could find, even doing free Zumba in the park after work on Wednesdays.

In all of that time, I never took a single private dance lesson.  Not one.

In November, an opportunity opened up for me to take private ballroom dance lessons with Todd, an accomplished instructor here in Lakewood.  During our first lesson, it became apparent that we were playing a game of “fix all of the bad habits you’ve learned”.  While I’d taken a million different dance classes, had performed a million different group dance routines and had a quick mind for memorizing steps, I’d never had the one-on-one attention of an instructor or formal training in partner dancing.  

As a movement instructor who specializes in private sessions tailored to individual needs, I know the power of that personalized attention.  I know how important it is.  Yet, somehow, in my own life, I’d never done private dance classes. 

And friends, let me tell you, taking private lessons has taught me a few things.

1.  Budgeting my priorities

Private sessions aren’t cheap.  If I’m going to dance weekly and enjoy those private in-person coaching sessions, my budget needs to accommodate that, and so does my schedule.  

Dancing weekly with Todd means that I need to find time in my schedule, every week, to head over to his dance studio.  That means every Thursday is scheduled around that lesson.  Hikes, runs, bikes, meetups, meetings, volunteering…everything now hinges on being done by 11am, showered and fed by 11:45 and to the studio by noon.

Recognizing that private dance lessons require almost all of my discretionary budget is a big deal.  And a big commitment.  It means a whole lot less Amazon and a whole lot less spending on random fun stuff in general.  Every purchase is filtered through “Dance lessons or new shoes?”  “Dance lessons or concert tickets?”  

So far, dance lessons keep winning. 

2. Commitment

There is no way around it.  Private sessions force you to commit.

While it was super easy to slink out of $5 group class because I lost track of time and the instructor had no idea who I was anyway, I can’t just bail on private dance lessons and then come back 6 months later.   

Todd is a professional and has excellent late cancel policies.  Flaking out costs me a lot of money. 

 I also respect him and his team, and believe their time is valuable.  Canceling without good cause communicates that I believe the opposite of that.  

(And for the record, I truly believe things like health issues, injuries, kid stuff and work emergencies are all appropriate reasons to cancel.  Especially for my own clients.  If you have a migraine or your kid just puked everywhere, it’s probably a good idea to call and we’ll figure something out.)

3.  There will be humble pie.  (Sooo much humble pie.)

You can’t hide bad habits in a private session.

Everything I’ve ever learned about dance has come from group classes, gym classes and bar dance lessons.  That means I know next to nothing about ballroom dance AND have a lot of really bad habits.  Yippee! 

This means my ego takes a major back seat every week and I frequently have to temper my frustration with a reframe.  

I know I love to dance.  I know I want to be the kind of ballroom dancer that makes it look effortless and fluid.  I know that Todd knows how to do that.  And for now, I know that means my lessons consist of a lot of technique clean-up paired with learning new things.  

The bonus here is that the new things are mostly sans bad habits.  Because Todd won’t let me keep the bad habits and makes me redo steps until I have done it properly 10 times…and then 10 times more.

4.  It takes time.

Y’all, I teach movement for a living.  I instruct people on how to access and utilize their deep core all day…every day.  It still took me six months to figure out how the eff to use my core while dancing.  Thanks to a particularly slow rumba, I finally got it.  And now, I can’t believe I didn’t get it.  But it takes time.  And if I’d never taken private sessions or quit after 3 lessons, I never would have understood this technique.

5. Be ready to be amazed at your progress.

Every week, there is something that just clicks into place.  Like dancing from your core or knowing that a certain hand gesture means spin once, while another gesture means spin twice. 

 Because I get 60 minutes of undivided attention, I also get 60 minutes to ask all of my weird questions and redo the steps I don’t quite understand until we get them.  Sometimes that means we do two steps for the entire class.  (thanks brain!)  Other times, we get through the entire bronze syllabus in a single session.  Private sessions mean we do whatever my brain and body need to do to understand the movement.  And we can take as much time as we need to make that happen.

In just 6 months, I have gone from wall-flower status, watching the other folks dance at the Friday night socials, to being able to follow almost every dance.  While I still haven’t attempted waltz or tango, I have ventured into Cha Cha, Foxtrot, East Coast Swing, West Coast Swing, Rumba, Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, Hustle, Nightclub Two-Step and this weird Samba line dance that I absolutely cannot figure out.

And finally, the absolutely most important thing I’ve learned from taking private lessons is…

6.  You have to know your why.

No matter what you’re doing, if you don’t know why you’re taking private sessions, the incentive to budget your time, your money, your schedule, and your priorities just isn’t there.  Without a solid why, you can’t justify the commitment or manage the taste of that humble pie.  

Knowing your why helps you stick to the plan, even when it’s harder than you thought or takes way longer than you thought it would or should.

And…knowing your why makes it even sweeter when you hit that first accomplishment.  

If you’ve been struggling to prioritize Pilates or Stretch lately or you haven’t managed to pull the trigger on an Initial Assessment yet, dig a little deeper into your why. 

Why are you taking Pilates sessions?  Why are you coming to Stretch Therapy?

  Do you want to be pain free?  Move easier?  Train hard without pain?  Work longevity into your training plans?  Fix a wonky knee?  Stand up on your paddle board?  Stop bumping into chairs and walls?  Get some restorative support as you train for a big event?  Are you curiosity driven like me and just love the practice and exploring all it brings?

Whatever your why is, let’s talk about it and let’s recommit.

 As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on your whys.  Shoot me a text, respond to this email, or bring it up next time you’re in the studio.

Have a great day!

-Rubecca

p.s. now is a great time to commit to your why and book a session!  

The Power of Practice, Patience & Consistency

Posted on June 14, 2023 by pilatesnative

This week, I had the immense pleasure to watch three separate clients perform incredibly advanced Pilates moves without even breaking a sweat.  

The first, lifted beautifully, seemingly effortlessly into a graceful and strong teaser. The lack of gripping and tension in the muscles and face was notable. The move was organic, natural and the culmination of years of work.  

The second folded back into a thigh stretch and noted how easy it was. The strength of the posture, the noticeably long neutral spine and ease of movement was apparent. The move again was organic, natural and the culmination of nearly a year of practice.  

The third, in a powerful exhale, performed the most beautiful pushup that I have ever seen. The move was so powerful, so strong and yet so effortless, it looked like they had levitated from the floor to the plank position. The strength, the organization of the spine, the control of the entire body, the focus…all were equally demonstrated in a way that was organic, natural and the culmination of months and months of work.  

The exercises performed by all three clients were new to them. And yet, they nailed it on their first try. How is it even possible to perform such advanced moves, so flawlessly, when we’ve never done it before?  

Practice. Consistency. Patience.  

Each of these clients has spent months and even years working with me.

We have spent hours and hours working on foundational basics: stability, proprioception, balance, control, focus.

We have spent hours working on strength, range of motion, coordination and mastering their biomechanics.

We have taken countless “detours” in their Pilates practice to work on something that caught my eye in their patterns.  

Seeing them nail these poses yesterday was exciting! It was like watching hours of work align into one beautiful perfect moment.

In November, I started taking private ballroom dance lessons.   Every Thursday at noon, I am put through the paces of stability, proprioception, balance, control, focus, strength, range of motion, biomechanics and coordination, as it applies to dance. In the last twelve weeks, I have yet to make it through a full dance without the instructor stopping to correct something, introduce something, connect something. It’s quite similar to how I teach Pilates.   Piece by piece.  

At times, it can be maddening. I want to GO! To dance, to just keep moving. But Todd, my hilarious and good natured instructor, pumps the brakes and we spend 45 minutes working on foot placement, or hand holds, or trying to get one hip to move in a way it most stubbornly does not want to go. Very frequently, we spend a lot of time unlearning a lifetime of bad habits. (more on that later)

Being on this side of the instructor/client relationship is always a powerful experience and a great reminder of the client journey.  

On Friday night, we joined the group party at the dance studio. In this laid back setting, I found myself able to dance through an entire song, following cues without even thinking about it. I also was able to follow a new dance partner in a dance style that I have never heard of.   Like magic, all of the pieces we’ve been working on for 12 weeks, just clicked.  

Practice, patience, consistency.  

It takes the human body 6-8 weeks to start adapting to something new. It takes 7 repetitions of something to turn it into a noticeable habit. It takes 6-12 weeks to recover from the physical act of childbirth, and sometimes years to recover from the body changes caused by pregnancy and the birthing process. It can take months, sometimes years, to heal the body after a traumatic injury/event. It takes months, sometimes years to lose the weight, to gain the muscle, to train and compete at the level we want to perform at.  

And yet, most of us quit after 2 weeks without results.

We do one round of classes and give up because our life long patterns have not been resolved.

We discount or discredit the instructor encouraging us to commit to the process and allow our minds and bodies time to grow, change and develop.  

As a general rule, society expects immediate gratification and scoffs at anything that requires commitment, consistency and delayed gratification.

While technology and the rest of the world moves at light speed and two day turnarounds, the body is not wired that way. Humans, after all, are still just cave-men. Our systems are still bound by the laws of evolution. And evolution moves slowly.  

If you’ve quit your movement practice for lack of results or feel like your progress is too slow, I’d encourage you to keep going, but embrace the slow. Allow yourself time to unwind years of patterns and muscle habits. Embrace the foundational basics. Allow yourself time to build a strong foundation. Allow yourself time for practice, patience and consistency.  

Doing so may find you doing things you never thought possible…in a way that is natural, organic and injury-free.

Hope to see you in the studio soon!

-Rubecca

January 13th- Quitter’s Day +SMART Goals

January 13th- Quitter’s Day

The 2nd Friday in January is known as “Quitter’s Day”, as it’s the day we’re most likely to give up on our new year’s resolutions.   This year’s Quitter’s Day has very aptly landed on Friday the 13th, a day known for it’s unusual association with bad luck.   The most common reasons for tapping out on resolutions include loss of motivation, lack of time, change of plans and “other”. (I think “other” might be my favorite reason lol.)   Before we get into the why’s behind the high percentages of quitting, let’s check out some data.

New Year’s Resolution by the Numbers

• 4000 years – how long folks have been makin’ and breakin’ resolutions.  

• 38% of American adults set New Year’s Resolutions.  

• 48% of resolutions include exercise.  

• 70% of resolutions are related to physical health.  

• The top 3 resolutions are typically: exercise more, eat better, lose weight.  

• 64% of folks quit their resolutions by the end of January.  

• Just 9% of people successfully keep their resolutions.  

• 81% of resolutions are considered “fails”.  

• Most people quit their resolutions on the 2nd Friday of January.

Why are so many folks giving up so soon?

If you’ve ever tried to make a big life change (or heck, even a small one) you know how hard it can be. The bigger the change, the more work required to make it happen.  

When I worked in corporate, management required every employee to set 3 yearly goals, which were then audited by our supervisors who would determine if our goals were SMART or not.

SMART goals are ones that were:   Sustainable Measurable Attainable Realistic Timed  

SMART goals are big business in Corporate America and there are entire careers and companies built around helping folks make, create and achieve SMART goals.

If you take a look at that list, SMART goals look like boring corporate nonsense. There’s nothing big, wishful, creative, fancy or big dream in SMART.  

Sustainable…Measurable…Attainable…Realistic…Timed…BOOOORING.  

Here’s the thing. Over the course of 15 years, I hit every single one of my SMART goals. That’s a successful completion of 45 goals.  

SMART goals work.  

The power is in making things sustainable and realistic for your situation.  

Sustainable goals are ones that fit your current lifestyle.   Not your ideal lifestyle. Not the lifestyle you wish you had or the lifestyle you’re working towards. The lifestyle you have RIGHT NOW.  

One of my favorite advices to give to folks asking how to maintain their fitness routines is that “10 minutes a day is better than 0 minutes a day”.   Having measurable and timed goals is important, because it gives us metrics and data for what we are doing (you know I love data!) and it gives us a container within which to operate.

Open ended goals tend to float in the winds of “someday”. Having an end time anchors us to the goal and provides a little more stability to work with.  

Attainable and realistic are probably the hardest pieces to reconcile, and after sustainability, this is where a lot of us lose traction.   Setting attainable and realistic goals requires us to come back to Earth and truly assess where we are and what we can do in our given time frame.  

Can we actually really and truly make $1 billion this year with a startup that hasn’t started up yet?  

This is the humbling part of the SMART process that most of us hate. But it’s extremely important.

2 minutes a day…12 hours a year

All of that to say we have very round-about-ly landed on my favorite talking point this month. It’s extremely pertinent after all of those depressing stats about quitting I just laid out above.  

So, y’all know I only give 2 minutes of balance work homework per day.   Why?  

Because it’s so stupid easy, it’s SMART.  

2 minutes a day is totally sustainable. No matter how busy you are, you can find 2 minutes to practice balance.  

2 minutes per day is measurable.  

2 minutes per day is attainable.

Anyone can do this work for two minutes.  

2 minutes per day is realistic. No matter what you have going on, 2 minutes is a very realistic time commitment.  

2 minutes per day is timed. While the “timed” in the normal SMART goals is a little different, knowing we have just a 2 minute commitment per day makes it happen.  

Here’s something else really cool about 2 minutes of homework per day.  

Turns out, that just 2 minutes a day for 365 days actually ends up being 12 hours a year.  

12 hours!   Wild right?  

Get this. Doing something every day for 4 minutes a day is 24 hours a year.   So next time you’re thinking those small things aren’t worth doing or don’t bring much value, think again.   If you were ready to jump off the resolution wagon, take a moment and think SMART. How can you apply SMART to your resolutions and make them happen? Do you need to be a little more realistic? Add a timed component? Dial in on the sustainability?

My 1000 year challenge

If you’ve been wondering what my SMART goals for 2023 are, I am having a 1000 year challenge.   This year, as a family, we are joining the 1000 Hours Outside Challenge. Each of us will be tracking our outside time with the goal of 1000 hours each.   At the same time, I will be aiming to return to my running roots and log over 1000 miles on the trails this year.

Good luck, happy SMART’ing! Feel free to shoot me an email if you want to talk further SMART goals.

– Rubecca